Uh. Mah. Gah.

Seriously...this is gross.

I was so proud of myself because I joined a gym. I won't mention any names but think Village People.

It is the downtown location so pretty snazzy. Really...it's nice.

I went for a couple weeks regularly and was just starting to feel good about it...and it was almost a habit. I even rented a locker so I wouldn't talk myself out of going because I had to carry a gym bag around. (I've done that before...)

So imagine my absolute horror when, as I swung my locker open, I saw a cockroach resting happily (I assume...or at least content) on the backpack hanging in the locker.

Just sitting there as if it owned the backpack. It didn't even bother to scurry away as the light hit it. Maybe it had just finished a workout and was too exhausted to move.

I slowly backed away to grab a gigantic wad of paper towels with which to crush the life from this beasty bug. I had to be stealthy because I knew if I returned with the paper towels of death and the nasty thing was gone, I'd have to set fire to the locker.

Before dressing, which I had to do....or go back to work in my yoga pants and t-shirt that says 'Flippin' the Bird' with pictures of a chicken flipping on it...I turned all my clothes inside out and shook them around like a crazy person. I'm pretty sure everyone thought I was mad. In the lost-her-mind kind of way.

I canceled my membership and asked for a refund. Which they will happily provide. However, the schmoozy lady that called me this morning offered to give me my money back, let me have the locker for free, AND use the club for another 2 weeks free while I'm making my mind up about whether or not I'll stay on. She said they don't have the cockroach problem very often.

Uh. I don't think so.

Some things ya just can't unsee.

Oh the Christmas Spirit overcomes me...

I decided to get some shots of Bellie out in our oh-so-decorated yard (which you can't really see in any of the pictures because she wasn't in the mood to pose).

The thought being I could make some cute Christmas cards.

Then, as we got started, I remembered she was three. Or, rather, she reminded me. The pictures that might look like she's irritated at me...they're not mistakes. She was irritated at me. I give her another year before she masters the eye-roll.

So here's our photo shoot - I left all the pictures I took so you could enjoy it like I did:




I got some good ones...it'll be hard to choose!

On not writing

...I got nothin'.

Well - for about 3 weeks, my home computer was so slow on the internet I didn't even check my bank balance. So I finally called the responsible company - sounds like west....

Anyway, the helpful lady on the phone said, "Yes! I can see your connection is slower than dial up!"

It was one of those that unplugging the modem for a minute then plugging it back in solved. Glad I waited 3 weeks.

So anyway - I'm a grumpy gus today. Bellie was with her dad yesterday and came home a complete wreck...as has been the situation for the past few weeks.

The Idiot has decided it's time for her to stop taking naps. She takes 2 hour naps at home. And still sleeps 10-11 hours at night. I figure she'll stop taking naps when she's ready.

Anyway - it took her almost all week to catch up on sleep after spending last weekend with him. Imagine her tiny face with dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes...quite irritating. He didn't give her a nap yesterday either.

So I got "Crazy-Contrary" Bellie back. It's quiet spectacular, actually. Crazy-Contrary Bellie was hungry and the only thing she wanted to eat was an entire brick of cream cheese.

Gross.

I tried offering her a quarter of the brick with the promise of more if she ate that. No luck. We went 'round and 'round til she finally dropped off to sleep a little after her bedtime.

And I felt sorry for myself. Well - that's not really accurate. I felt lonely. It was one of those lonelies that would have been there had I been surrounded by people.

It happens ever so often - it just hits me that I'm it for her. There's nobody else with the connection to her that I have or that will give her what I will. I'm not trying to be all dramatic or anything...and I know there are as many single mothers out there as...well as there are. And some of them are lucky enough to have a father to their child(ren) that is good. And some of them are unlucky enough to have one that is far worse than the one I do.

But sometimes, it just feels lonely. Even with help and even with a hand to hold.